Do ‘Xs’ make some issues so bloody hard for us… Me and my boys had sorted some time together (and my boys mum was told) this coming wkend,  then I get a txt at work telling me she has sorted something else so we will not (me and my boys) now have this pre-arranged time together, this is happening more, and for the life in me Iv not got a clue why.

ARGGGHHHH…… yes it bothers me big time!

I did not want to say but… I killed a spider on Thursday, I turned the shower on and then got in, it was really too late, or maybe I should have at least tried to save it… it went down the plug with legs moving, for all those who know me I dont kill spiders… gutted!

I went to the dentist, only a scale and polish, still well painful, feet going everywhere… thing is the door was open, so when I got up and walked into the x-ray room the folks waiting looked abit anxous!!!

Thing is, the dentist (very nice and black nails!), well she was constantly smiling, im sure she would have felt comfort if I was strapped down and… etc etc… please!

Since 2003 my life has been such a mad bad roller coaster, Iv tried hard to just settle, I cant…  Friends have come and gone, Iv done things and completely cocked up.  I still do things and completely cock up.  I say so much and it comes across wrong, I so want to find new friends who understand me, I would so love to find true love with the lady and all in common… the sharing-the eyes.  Im doubting this will ever happen big time, it really scares me.

Yes genuine honest and totally trusting, I dont like being alone-Most dont admit it, esp men.

I mean, I should have had my boys last weekend, it didnt happen.  So is life ment to carry on normal… no, it completly messes your head, i couldnt put my mind into work-im trying hard to be this so-called strong person.  Im not, im so insecure and it seems that is who I am.

All I want is a really nice understanding woman whom we can share our minds together.

Im sick of cocking up…

After the Blog about my decisions on my life iv been asked a few questions from folks, I try answer;

What about friends, so I try answer and ask what is a friend?; someone you have never spoke with, someone you have never met, someone you have told to go… and they do, someone you have told to go… and they dont, someone who says its all or nothing but then its all of nothing, someone who says they have never enjoyed so much and then they go back to what they did not enjoy… its endless… OK… No its not OK, the answer is; A good friend you can get rid of, A true friend you cant… Friends are not involved in relationships.

I know much more can be said about friends, so do feel free to say… OK

Hardly slept last night trying to work out what I cant work out;

Plumbing-Its proving very difficult to actually become this full time plumber, I dont have a second income to support me while I would get started, also the market appears ‘flooded’ with plumbers… I also dont have my Gas, you have to work for a CORGI reg company to get it. I will though carry on helping out folks as required.

Manufacturing-Shift working is the usual pattern, this is proving very difficult to slot in part time work around shifts and also it affects the time my boys can be with me, im searching hard for a day shift position.

My Boys-I have not been the best dad I should have been over the last 5 years, I do though have time to put that right but I need to be working on a steady day shift with a couple of evenings working part time. That opening Haworth pic is fantastic, I love and mis them loads and sorry.

Music-I have let my music slip alot this last 4 months, tobe honest I started getting bored and packed in the band with no intention of joining another until I sort some of the above issues out, I will do the occasional gig with or without backing tracks. Eventually I will go into the studio.

Datin scene-Im not wanting anything serious but It seems like most women want; Strong, Confident and Toned fellas, Im not-but I am; Genuine, Honest and very Trusting. Iv tried the Net (AFF), Papers, Mobile phone, Teletxt, Singles nights, Pubs and Clubs and now Iv got to the point of; Again, I cant be arsed.

In a shell; Engineering on day shift, some evening part time work, Plumbing as and when a friend needs help, Bored of music, and my big priority is to do as many good things with my boys-ASAP. Datin-go take a jump!!!

Rant finished.

What a week… Iv had probs with my knee after hospital appointment last week but its getting better-and I had a crown fall out! so a Dentist visit and more visits to come, feels great having your gums poked!!!

I will try get all my updates on this wkend, I’ve also got some small gigs coming up… If anyone has about £1k spare then I can also finally get into the studio!!!

My Laptop pretty much blew up a few days ago so iv ‘rigged’ up my old PC… a pic of my new laptop soon!!!